i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
