You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities