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• (661): View more from California

  My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss

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• (360): View more from Washington

  He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment

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• (562): View more from California

  Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.

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• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.

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• (415): View more from California

  Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...

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