I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis