Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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