He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.