I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.