Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.