i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.