i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.