I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
