ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.