Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.