then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
