dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
