He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
