Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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