And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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