I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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