Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
