What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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