best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
