Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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