Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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