I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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