so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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