you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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