so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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