You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
