My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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