my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize