it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
