I wish I only lived at night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
