Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
