I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
