Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm like, not good at living.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
