She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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