Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
