There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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