just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
