is your mom at the bar?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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