You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is Oprah even human
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize