Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
