I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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