You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
