I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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