I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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