i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
