Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
