You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize