Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
