dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
