when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
