haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I died a long time ago.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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