Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
