And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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