I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize