The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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