none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
