you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
