Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
