Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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