Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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