glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
