can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
