I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
