I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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