Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
