Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
