i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
