i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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