This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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