someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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